There’s been some scary stuff going down in Kid Scoop lately. Devan isn’t shy in her desire to pursue a big family, Mommyfriend admits she caught herself a case of the baby fever too.
Before you get spooked and think there’s something in the water, let me scare you off that Kool-Aid: it’s okay to NOT want more children.
There wasn’t a question for me. I was going to see that doctor the moment our second son was breathing and had all 10 toes. Heck, I would’ve pushed my wife off the table and offered up myself to the umbilical scissors if the doc would have let me.
Truth be told, I was fine with one son. My wife wanted two and, after some debate, I eventually agreed. But that was it. Two. No more. No debate. No question. To make it 100% I saw my good doc with the sharp scissors.
When I do the alphabet with my boys, V is for Vasectomy. After the jump why it’s awesome andhow to convince him to get one.
No Surprises
My friend Erin had a “surprise” 4 years after her second. While she was thrilled, her husband was freaked. Eventually he came around because of all the excitement. It had been so long since the last baby, everyone was all hopped up on baby fever, and he caught it.
Erin says it was easier because her oldest could really help out, and the gap was actually beneficial.
Nonetheless, a few weeks later her husband was booked for a “chip and snip” with the boys. A round of golf followed by a visit to the doctor and a few days on the couch with a bag of frozen peas.
Tori Spelling is making the rounds with her fourth. Something she has admitted was a complete surprise to her and 45 year old husband, Dean McDermott.
The doctor said, ‘Wait six weeks [to have sex],’ and Dean was like, ‘They tell everyone that.’ We didn’t wait that long with Stella or Liam,” Tori added. “I was like, ‘Well, I don’t want him to think that the sex is going downhill,’ so now we’re on baby No. 4.” [Us Magazine]
No thanks, no surprises. After all, when you win a grand prize “family vacation,” chances are it’s for 4 – not 5 – or 6.
NEEDLE-LESS DOES NOT MEAN SCISSOR-LESS
So what does the big V feel like? Well, there is the awkward part when the doc is pulling on your vas and you can feel a tug on your hip bone. And while many vasectomies don’t use needles, scissors are definitely involved. It’s all over in a matter of minutes, and the pain afterwards is the dull throbbing kind, nothing too terrible.
However, with the way men treat colds, your guy will no doubt milk it for all it’s worth. Cold peas on the groin, cold beer in the hand, and sports on the tv for 48-72 hours straight.
I was up and at ‘em quickly, although I do admit my first trip to the grocery store I shuffled like a Geisha so that nothing would pop out of place.
WATCH OUT FOR THE KIDS YOU ALREADY HAVE
No, the most dangerous part of a vasectomy is the headbutt of a toddler eager to welcome Daddy home after a hard day. Size your kids up next to your husband and you’ll see the forehead meets exactly where it shouldn’t after surgery. So if you can avoid that for a bit, you’re good.
Warning, before you go for the snip (which can be reversed, though not guaranteed) the doc should ask if you want to put some boys on ice for later. My wife and I were done, 100%, so we didn’t. If you’re a little younger and ‘sure’, but ‘not sure’ at the same time – you might want to make a deposit in case you need a future withdrawal.
NO REGRETS
We tossed our youngest’s baby bottles this week and while there was some melancholy feelings knowing that was the last one we’d ever have to hand scrub, it was balanced by the feelings that there will be no surprises
You know “those commercials” where the old guy is smirking because he didn’t go to bowling night with the boys, and the wife is glowing in the corner? It’s like that – but without the little blue pills, or chance of children.